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HOW TO TAME A DRAGON

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

How does it feel when you read that?

Do you believe it?

Can you take it in?

Or does some part of you resist it? Refuse to accept it?

Does your mind start searching for evidence to disprove it?

Do you start thinking about all your faults and imperfections?

All your “issues.” 

Your bad habits and bad behavior. 

All the ways you’ve failed.

All the things you should be doing that you’re not. 

Does shame creep in? Doubt? Fear?

Probably.

If you’re anything like me. 

I battle negative self-talk all the time.

The creepy little voice that says: “You’re not enough. You fucked up. It’s too late. You’re not smart enough. You don’t know how. You’ll never get what you want. And how about that fat on your belly, dude!”

It’s very persuasive, that voice.

And relentless. 

And CRUEL.

We would never talk to a friend that way.

And yet we talk to ourselves like this all the time.

Why?

Why is it there and why do we listen?

Here's a story to help explain...

The Dragon Over My Heart

Diana and I were lying in bed, post fight.

She was ready to cuddle and come back into connection. 

Me, not so much.

I always need some recovery time before making up. 

She moved toward me, testing the water.

My body tensed. “I’m not ready.”

She graciously relented. 

I feel a twinge of shame.

The fight was over. Resolved. Why was I still holding on?

I closed my eyes and felt into my body.

A image immediately appeared in my mind:

A RED DRAGON over my heart. On guard. Ferocious. 

Hmm. Okay.

There’s a dragon protecting my heart.  

Thank you?

Well, no. 

I didn’t need protection in that moment.

I trust Diana with my heart. 

But this dragon does not. 

And right now, he’s in control. 

I didn’t like that.

If I have a dragon inside me, I better have control of it. 

Otherwise, who knows what he might do.

Taming The Dragon

How am I going to convince this dragon to stand down?

Especially since he’s been guarding my heart for a LONG TIME.

Forever, in fact. It’s the only job he’s ever known. 

And he LOVES his job.

And he’s great at it. The best. He’s never failed. Never let me down.

And he’s filled with PRIDE at his perfect record. 

So how do I tell him I don’t need him anymore? 

That I’m not a little boy, terrified and alone. 

I’m a grown man now, and my heart is resilient.

“Thank you for your service?”

That wasn’t going to be enough.

I needed to give him a new job.

A new focus. A new MISSION.

Because that dragon has a lot of power and energy. 

Imagine if I put him to work CREATING.

He could build me a million dollar business overnight!

Now I was excited.

I just needed to transfer that excitement to the dragon.

“I have a new job for you.”

The dragon snarled, menacingly. 

I stood my ground.

“You’ve served me well. You saved my life. And I’m forever grateful to you.”

He was listening.

“But I don't need your protection anymore.  I’m safe now.”

He growled, a little unsure. 

I stayed with him.

There was fear in his eyes. 

Who could blame him for being afraid? I was asking him to give up the only job he’d ever known. 

“You’re going to love this new job. You’ll get to use all your power to create and build.”

That landed. Like he’d been waiting to hear it all his life, but didn’t know it.

He relaxed a little. A hint of excitement. New possibilities.

I looked over at Diana. 

She smiled, teasing me. “Are you ready?” 

“Slowly.”

The dragon snarled. 

I took a deep breath, said to him gently, “It’s okay."

"We’re building now,” I reminded him. 

He stood down, still a little nervous. 

Diana came closer. 

She put her head on my shoulder and her hand on my heart. 

I let myself soften.

The dragon relaxed.

Smiled.

Free.

There’s a dragon inside all of us. (Or maybe you have a snake.)

We employed it to protect us when we were young and defenseless. 

Thank God. Our hearts couldn’t take the pain.

But we can feel our pain now. It won’t kill us.

The dragon doesn’t know that though.

So we have to convince it. Persuade.  

Otherwise that dragon is running our lives.

And it will do anything to protect us.

Including telling us we're useless. No good. Unloveable. 

Think about it, believing you’re unlovable is the perfect way to protect your heart. 

You have an excuse to never open it. 

Negative thoughts are the voice of our hurt child.

Angry. Resentful. Terrified. Alone. In Pain.

And he refuses to believe there’s nothing wrong with us.

Having something wrong with us is the foundation of our defence. 

It’s the belief that keeps us small and contracted, so we can never be hurt again. 

No expansion. No love. No vulnerability. No surrender.

Safe.

Forever safe. 

But at what cost?

Fulfillment. Joy. Abundance. Love. Connection.

It's a high price for safety. 

Remember that the next time you turn on yourself.

When you’re caught in a loop of self-negation.

When you feel yourself contracted. Stuck. Small. 

See those thoughts for what they are: the child inside you longing for love and recognition. 

Have compassion. Understanding. Show tenderness. Be patient.

It’s the best way — the only way — to tame a dragon. 


March 3, 2024

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Copyright David Sutcliffe 2025

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